This essay was first drafted during the first few months of nationwide lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Much has happened since then, but I think it was important that I pinned down all that happened during those horrible, uncertain months. Revising it recently, I realized how this was not even the worst. The person who wrote this back then was a person paralyzed, and I think we should leave her there. This essay is, in a way, an obituary.